


Forgiven Trepidation

by Vinyan



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Character Death, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hope, I honestly don't know what to say, I wrote this cuz my friend wrote a fic about emet-selch that made me cry, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Post-Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers, Sad Ending, Survivor Guilt, i hope its good but big fear, im afraid to re-read this for fear of crying, instead of me writing about emet-selch, my last brain cell told me to fuck it and just write it, so this is revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 07:07:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19970008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinyan/pseuds/Vinyan
Summary: This is what happens when you hesitate when dealing the final blow like a damn fool!!!!





	Forgiven Trepidation

**Author's Note:**

> I really love G'raha Tia, but I had to make him suffer as my friends have caused me to suffer... gives him a big hug ;_;
> 
> This is my first fic!!!! pls enjoy :^)

  
_I… will… not… yield._  


  
_Should I surrender this fight, what will become of it all…?_  


  
_What will become of our triumphs? Our hopes? Our… our despair?_  


  
_What of this anguish which yet burns in my breast even after the passing of eons?_  


  
_No, no, no! I will not let it all be for naught!_  


  
_…_  


  
_Now! Strike with all thy might!_  


  
_…_  


_Was this truly the correct choice? To kill a being that seemed, to her, a near perfect reflection of herself? A different time, a different place, a different life – if even the slightest thing could have altered this course of events, would they have been friends? Could she have understood him, and him, her?_

_‘For those we have lost, and for those we can yet save’… How nonsensical. Is he not one that she could ‘yet save’? ‘Is there still time, in this moment, to save them all’, she must have thought, no? Hesitation spelled doom, and yet… I knew she would try._

_He was a compelling soul, you know. Of course, she knew this, but I… I did not. He was the singular entity that I feared could take everything away – the only one that could shatter the hopes and dreams that were left with me. In retrospect, I despise myself for it. Should I have been more open with my compatriots, shared with them my knowledge, trust, past, future – as much as I could have, before he appeared? Would that have changed even a single thing – small enough to have averted this outcome? I won’t ever know, and I can never atone._

_Hah. Atone. How could I even conceive of such a possibility, after what I’ve seen? Ah, yes, yes, she tried. She tried so much. So, so much. Too much. The burden of a hero - a burden I couldn’t share. My own shortcoming, my own failing. A curse. To take part in her radiance had been more of a blessing than I even knew – I took her for granted. All that she was and could have been. I neglected that spirit of hers, that shining countenance that gleamed so brightly both in the face of adversity and suffering. She was the Warrior of Light for a reason – a light given to all, equally._

_Foolish. Stubborn. Magnificent. Heart-warming. Happy. Sad. Troubled. Other-worldly. Human._

_She was a myriad of complex definitions, but I had forgotten the most basic of them all – compassion._

_As she faded along with Emet-Selch, it was as if I was watching my own heart freeze, my mind slowing to a crawl, my essence turning to stone. It was too much to process. I still can’t. I don’t think I ever will. Her purity was just that much greater than mine._

_He looked surprised in those last moments, but I could tell – the burden he carried was eased. She had given him the comfort and peace he sought, and yet… he seemed troubled. That was to fade with him. I saw the smile on her face. The tears. That final smile. What was that? What did she know – a realization? I don’t know. She’s not here to tell me. Not anymore._

_It felt as if time had stopped. None of her friends had moved for what had seemed to be years. Not until Ryne broke down. I pitied her, though even so, how full of envy I had been. To be so free to release that thrashing storm of emotions was something I could only dream of. I didn’t have the freedom to do that. I still don’t. I never will. I am not so deserving._

_They didn’t blame me for anything. I cannot fathom why, as this is the clear result of my actions – my decision to summon them all to save this mangled world from the brink of ruin, which should have, in turn, saved her life. It has been quite some time since I’ve last seen any of them – they keep in touch, though it is simply a courtesy. We are still searching for a way to, at least, send them back The Source. This is the only reparation I can make, the only solace I can find some measure of hope in. Even in that, it merits no thanks – it is my duty and obligation to be sure that they survive, to carry on the legacy she left behind._

_Emet-Selch had said, at that critical moment, ‘The victor shall write the tale, and the vanquished become its villain’ – ah, how correct he was. It was a simple fact, of course, as in her story, I am the villain. I am her killer. To look upon her, speak to her, share in her experiences – these are my crimes, with a tomb of memories my sentence. The crystal tower, a standing triumph of her achievements, is my cage. She will bind me for all eternity, or however long I last – there was no other, and there will never be. That the Warrior of Light, my inspiration, my future, my goal, my beloved, would fall in due course because of what I had done… It’s irreprehensible. Inconceivable. Ludicrous._

_I will carry her tale for all the generations that follow. I will write, journey, and spread her heroics, just as Edmont de Fortemps had done. That is my penance, for the centuries to come. For all those who have come, and will continue down this road called life – to be ignorant of her, is to me, a cruelty I will not suffer to witness; to not attest to her deeds, being, everything that she was, is a future I will never allow to exist. To proclaim her glory, utter her name, carry her with me – that is the duty I am charged with._

  
_…_  


“Dost thou yet continue thy sullen manner?”  
“…! Ah, Urianger. You surprised me – I don’t quite expect visitors as I used to. What can I do for you?”  
“I hath come simply to inquire upon thy health. Thou hast changed greatly, G’raha Tia, leaving mine own self beset with disquiet.”  
“I’m quite alright, Urianger. I do appreciate your concern, but there are more necessary things that require our attention. Speaking of which, would you per chance be willing to look over this draft I’ve been tinkering with for some time? I would like to refine it as much as possible.”  
“… This… G’raha Tia, how long hast thou been at this tireless endeavor?”  
“Not long enough, clearly. There’s still so much more I have to do.”  
“If it so pleases, I shall assist in such as thee hath requested. However, thine research into the reversal of the summoning must needs not be neglected. Of which, we hath made much progress, that I hath come to bring tidings of.”  
“Truly?! Please, do tell me what you have learned! I will set to work straight away; feel free to peruse the manuscript at any time.”

  
…  


_They faded in a different light than she did. It… it was a peculiar sight, with an even more peculiar feeling attached to it. The relief I felt – it was if a piece of my burden had been put to rest… Thank goodness. I was able to send them home. Yet, that encroaching dread had come too far, in too many years – what home were they to return to without her at their sides? What life awaited them, with their own trials and tribulations waiting to befall them, within the time between the seconds? I could not go with them, but maybe… just maybe, if I woke up, I could help them. It may be too late for me to undo this history, but, for them, to secure their futures is the best I can hope for. To follow them, the remnants of her extinguished light, into a world where it is much needed, futile or not… I must try._

  
_It’s what you would do, wouldn’t you, my dearest Warrior of Light?_  



End file.
